Posts by Joe Grundy

15

Divorce came through

by cyberdyne systems 101 in

jw
friends

time for reflection i guess, i had thought i was further along in the healing process, but sometimes i seem to slip right back to where it all started.

though i will never go back, i can see why people cling to something like the witness.

they want to think they are doing something worth while, have some order and purpose in their lives, have a pool of people that can befriend.

Joe Grundy

CS 101:

First, I never was a JW and my brief time here has taught me that theoretical knowledge and personal experience are two completely different things.

But I have been divorced for about 4 years now, so my tuppence-worth if it's any help at all.

I was married for 23 years (half my life at the time of divorce). We have two grown-up kids, now 23 and 25. The divorce was very amicable, and it's probably true to say that we still love each other, just not in the way that allowed us to stay married. My job had a lot to do with why we separated.

I think it's pretty normal that when you divorce after many years of marriage you feel a little (or a lot) lost. The former 'anchor point' of your life has gone (and it was easy to take it for granted that it would always be there). The feelings of loss, sadness, and fear of the unknown are, I'm sure, fairly common. When one is recovering from something like the JWs I can only guess how much this would make the situation worse.

But there are positives, too, especially if you can maintain (at least) civilised (and preferably friendly) relations with the ex, and meaningful relationships with the children.

For (perhaps) the first time in ages you have the space and freedom to work out who you are as an individual, not just as a spouse and a parent. Depending on your religious and moral views, you can go overboard for a while and enjoy the 'worldly and sinful' pleasures you never considered before, without hurting anyone.

And when you're ready to move on to a new relationship, which can take a long time, you bring to it a lot more knowledge of life and understanding than you had before. But just a word of caution (from experience) - don't let loneliness, or the enjoyment of a physical relationship, drive you into a lasting committed relationship too soon or with the wrong person. The real feelings that matter in a lasting relationship - love, friendship, companionship, caring, sharing etc. etc. - will surface again, and you'll recognise them when they do.

Sorry I'm not in the UK, or we'd share a few beers (or get drunk in the gutter, as appropriate).

Good luck.

3

My JW Neighbours - Now it's JWs -v- NAC!

by Joe Grundy in

jw
friends

latest in the saga with my jw neighbours.

i've previously mentioned my other neighbours (german couple in late 60s) who live next door to the jw family.

the german couple are here on the island about 6 months a year, often look after the jw kids and have substantial concerns about them.. last friday evening (late here, about 10 pm) the german lady and her older sister and i went to a sports bar to watch the germany-argentina match.

Joe Grundy

Latest in the saga with my JW neighbours. I've previously mentioned my other neighbours (German couple in late 60s) who live next door to the JW family. The German couple are here on the island about 6 months a year, often look after the JW kids and have substantial concerns about them.

Last Friday evening (late here, about 10 pm) the German lady and her older sister and I went to a sports bar to watch the Germany-Argentina match. The GL is large, loud, very common-sense and great fun. She had her flag, whistle, hat, etc. and really enjoyed the match. (Her husband won't be coming to the island for a week or so, so it was just me and the two ladies). A good time was had by all.

On Monday evening, I went over to her apartment to return a plate (she'd made me some wonderful German dessert) and the three of us had a general chat. As I was leaving her apartment (at 7.30 pm) a procession of JWs were arriving at the JW's apartment. I knew they were JWs cos I recognised one as one of the head honchos in the Hall I went to a couple of times. Also, they were all wearing ties and the two ladies with them were in skirt-suits (one of the ladies' skirts was a little tight, I noticed). My JW neighbour was also wearing a tie. It was in the high 30s, humid, and I and the rest of the normal world was wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I was obviously recognised, and got the 'hello's' and the pepsodent smiles. (Seems as though my wearing my FBI polo shirt and having a cigarette outside the hall on my last visit may not make me COMPLETELY unsalvageable.

Yesterday afternoon I went to the German apartment for dinner, and we got talking. It turns out that both ladies are in the New Apostolic Church, which I could vaguely recall having heard of but knew nothing about. I asked what they believed but as far as they were concerned it wasn't anything different from a lot of mainstream stuff. The ladies actually don't put much store in it and happen to go cos the church is convenient and friendly and they were brought up in it in Germany. Oh, and their church has a very active social life. (The German husband is a lapsed catholic who swore that when he was old enough to have the choice he'd never go to a church again and has stuck to it.

The ladies told me that they'd been grilled a couple of times by the JW parents about me. Comments were made about going to watch the football with 'Joe', 'Joe' calling round on the Monday, etc., and were interested to know whether I would be going to the NAC church. The German lady tells me she replied that I wouldn't 'cos I'm an atheist and that she wasn't interested in the religion (or lack of it) of her friends, anyway. JW mom asked whether I had been given a NAC magazine (no).

All very interesting, or not as the case may be. But when I got home, I had a look at the NAC on the net. What nearly made me fall off my chair (or at least open another beer) was that the NAC is almost the spitting image of WTBTS. It was started about the same time, is directed by divinely appointed men, directs its followers, the only 'truth', etc. etc. Except they have just one head honcho, the Chief Apostle. And they have their own prophecies for when the end of the world will happen (starting in the 1800s, and all wrong so far). Best one was in the 1950s, when the top man prophesied that the world would end before he died. Well he did, and it didn't.

It's just as well that both the NAC and JWs aren't allowed to look at 'external' religious literature (and the German lady doesn't take much of it too seriously). Can you imagine the mayhem if two adherents of the 'only true apocalyptic cult' lived next door to each other and and came to blows? I only hope that god's satnav is up to date when armageddon arrives 'cos in this case he's got to hit exactly the right apartment. Taking out the whole block just will not do. This is all a bit spooky.

On a sad note, the JW kids were at the German apartment yesterday evening, as they very often are. The 6 year old asked for a drink (coke if possible). In the fridge was a pack of coke, obviously been in there some time, it was a Christmas special pack. The little girl saw the Santa Claus on the packaging and said it was OK, could she just have a glass of water instead.

112

Do you see your self remarrying?

by Cabin in the woods in

jw
friends

.

given your past life experiences and your current enlightenment would you ever get into that level of commitment again?.

cab

Joe Grundy

I now realize I only live once, and life is short.

This is, I believe, the most important single lesson we can learn.

This is not a rehearsal, this is the real thing. You get one chance at it.

I have a friend, a Chinese young lady. She is half my age, the same age as my children. We get on extremely well, we make each other laugh. We share many interests, we have a good time together. We care for each other. I don't know if we're sexually compatible, but probably we are.

Next week, she returns to mainland China - her visa has expired. We don't know how I would be received by her family (in a remote part of NW China). Probably she would not be permitted to marry me - and this is the first woman I have met for many years whom I would wish to marry - and because of immigration laws in the UK it wouldn't be of much help for me to move back there.

So, I guess, we will say goodbye. It will break my heart, to be honest, and probably hers as well. One day - I hope - these stupid national artificial boundaries will fall down and we will come to realise that we are all citizens of this planet.

209

OFFICIAL WORLD CUP THREAD! "here we go, here we go, here we go"!

by nicolaou in

less than 2 hours before it all starts and a quarter of the earth's population will be watching!

- c'mon you americans, get on board.

germany kick-off against costa rica at 5pm to be followed by poland v ecuador at 8pm (bst)

Joe Grundy

After France's performance yesterday, I really do fancy them.

They already have the best striker in the world (Henry) and if Zidane can perform like that again, they are untouchable!

(And why on eath is Zidane retiring? On form like he displayed yesterday he has still much to teach the over-rated youngsters who get the headlines.)

112

Do you see your self remarrying?

by Cabin in the woods in

jw
friends

.

given your past life experiences and your current enlightenment would you ever get into that level of commitment again?.

cab

Joe Grundy

Hi Sirona!

Glad it's not just me! And I don't FEEL old ... !! (Well, not to me, anyway).

112

Do you see your self remarrying?

by Cabin in the woods in

jw
friends

.

given your past life experiences and your current enlightenment would you ever get into that level of commitment again?.

cab

Joe Grundy

On a more realistic and serious note than my last post - I was married for 23 years and have been divorced for 4 (how time fly!!). Still very good friends with the ex.

Whilst married there was never any playing around. Since divorce I've had a number of casual flings and a couple of short-term relationships. - probably the 'kid in a sweetshop' syndrome.

One thing I have learned about me is that casual sex is a pretty empty thing. I, for one, would rather have an evening of holding hands, cuddling and smooching with someone I really cared for (and who reciprocated the feeling) than a night of unrestrained 'beast with two backs' with someone for whom I felt little other than the attraction of lust.

Am I just getting old?

21

Comments You Will Not Hear at the 7-2-06 WT Study (INTEGRITY)

by blondie in

comments you will not hear at the 07-02-06 wt study (may 15, 2006 issue date, pages 26-30)(integrity).

review comments will be in red.

wt material from today's wt will be in black.

Joe Grundy

Thanks again, Blondie!

When I bump into my JW neighbour, he always, but always, tells me how good the study was and how I would have enjoyed it. He is a bit nonplussed when I tell him that I'm familiar with the content and raise a couple of questions (courtesy of your analysis).

I have offered to give him a printout of your analysis, but he hasn't taken up the offer yet!

112

Do you see your self remarrying?

by Cabin in the woods in

jw
friends

.

given your past life experiences and your current enlightenment would you ever get into that level of commitment again?.

cab

Joe Grundy

It's extremely unlikely that I would remarry.

But one practical thought that might peruade me to: because I am divorced and my children are adults, my pension dies with me. I am tempted to marry an 18 year old just for the pleasure of thinking of the organisation I worked for having to pay out the pension for the next 60 or so years.

(Well, yeah, OK, not JUST for that particular pleasure, but you get my meaning.)

350

Called JR Brown regarding Cano Pedophile situation

by LDH in

just called their media line:.

http://www.jw-media.org/contact.htm.

asked a young man named bryce where is the official press release on the cano pedophile situation.

Joe Grundy

Dear Leolaia

Thanks for the transcript.

I don't know if you're aware of this, but in many court proceedings it is the transcript that is used in evidence (certainly in the UK) and only if that is questioned is the actual recording itself referred to.

How I wish I'd had yourself and LDH on my side sometimes in the past!

Regards.

18

Judicial Committees and the 'Two Witnesses' Rule

by Joe Grundy in

i'm not and never have been, etc.. i was not even aware jcs existed until a couple of months ago - but now i understand a lot more from the postings i have read (and i find some them tragic).. two thoughts struck me as an outsider.. the first is to agree with the advice/suggestions given by many posters that submission to the jc process is a voluntary thing.

in the real world any court or tribunal can only act or consider issues if it has 'competent jurisdiction', laid down by law.

a jc only has 'competent jurisdiction' over a jw if the jw consents to that jurisdiction.

Joe Grundy

Many thanks for the replies and the info here.

They have reinforced to me that as an outsider, all the theoretical knowledge means very little compared to personal experience of having had to suffer this stuff.

For what it's worth, my opinion as an outsider is that the organisation is more corrupt, bullying and controlling than I had ever thought (and I had a low opinion of it to start with).

I can't think of anything I can offer to counter it (but if anyone else can, let me know) - all I can offer are my thoughts, support and best wishes to anyone suffering.